In His Eyes: A Civil War Romance Read online

  A loud pop cracked in the air and Ella jumped, startling Lee. He began to cry, and the man behind her cursed. He slipped one arm around her waist and dug his heels into the horse. The animal dropped its rear and lurched forward.

  Ella screamed.

  The man leaned forward in the saddle, pushing her up against the pommel and forcing her to try to lift Lee to keep him from being squished. The soldier ignored her cries, driving the animal forward at a rapidly increasing pace. The thundering sound behind her alerted Ella that the other soldiers kept up.

  The horse galloped into the settlement. Larson pulled on the reins and brought the animal to a shuddering stop in the middle of the street between the two rows of neat cabins.

  Ella’s chest heaved, and she twisted around in the saddle. She lifted her arm and swatted at the man, attempting to slap him but not being able to get the proper angle to do so.

  Larson grabbed her wrist and growled. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

  “Do you know—”

  Shouts came from the house to her left, and he swung out of the saddle. His feet barely hit the ground before he started running toward the house. Ella bounced Lee to settle him and gathered the horse’s reins, hoping that the animal wouldn’t spook. She didn’t think she could dismount by herself.

  There was another pop of gunfire and Ella strangled a scream. The door to the house flew open and a man stumbled outside clutching his chest.

  Behind her, someone shrieked. Ella twisted and saw Sibby’s eyes grow wide. She watched as her mouth opened and agony poured out.

  “Nat!” Sibby screamed. “No!” She threw her leg over the horse and dropped to the ground, hitting hard on her back because her bound hands could not stop her fall. She rolled to her side as the soldiers shouted and jumped from their horses.

  Blood seeped through Nat’s fingers and spread across his shirt, turning the white to a hideous shade of crimson. The air stilled as the blood pulsed in Ella’s ears, and then chaos erupted around her. Men yelled and Sibby screamed as she tried to reach Nat.

  “Get them back!” Larson bellowed, waving his hands.

  Ella pulled on the reins. She couldn’t stay here and risk Lee. Clutching her child tightly against her, Ella kicked the horse’s sides. He tossed his head and snorted, then danced to the side.

  “Come on, you daft creature!” Ella screeched.

  She slapped the reins down hard on the animal’s neck and it pinned its ears to its head.

  Then it lurched and Ella had to hold tight to the reins as it bolted down the road and into the field beyond, leaving men hollering behind her.

  For all of her effort, however, Ella made it only a few hundred feet before a soldier galloped to her and expertly snatched the reins from her hand, bringing the heaving horse to a halt and nearly unseating her.

  Breathing hard, Ella stared at the soldier, a young man who seemed to be several years younger than she. He frowned at her, and Ella batted her eyes.

  “Oh, thank goodness. This dreadful creature is going to be the death of me!”

  “But….” The man clamped his jaw and turned the animal back to the settlement.

  Ella held her chin high as he paraded her back between the cottages, then thankfully helped her to the ground. Sibby had made it to the porch where she leaned over Nat. He wasn’t moving.

  Larson snatched her arm. “What do you think you were doing?”

  She glared at him. “Protecting my son.”

  He snarled, but before he could berate her, a soldier jogged up. “We have them, sir. Captured eight men and a handful of women and children. Found three wagons loaded up, too.”

  Larson turned back to Ella, narrowing his eyes. “Do you know anything about this?”

  She flung her hand at their surroundings. “You can obviously see that I do not.” She glanced back at Sibby, who sobbed over Nat’s body. “Please, tell me what is happening.”

  “It has come to our attention,” Larson said, “that there is a group of smugglers in Memphis that both trade and steal supplies and bring them back south.”

  Ella put her hands on her hips. “Smugglers in Memphis? What has that got to do with us?”

  “It would seem these people use Negros to steal and deliver their supplies. We assume because they can move around with all of the coloreds heading north without notice.”

  Ella blinked at him.

  “These men have been smuggling items south, where they are selling foodstuffs, livestock, and medicines they stole from the hospitals in Memphis.”

  Ella placed her fingers over her mouth. The wagons. The supplies Sibby always seemed to have….

  He narrowed his eyes. “Is there something you wish to tell me, Mrs. Remington?”

  Ella turned her gaze on Sibby as they pulled her away from Nat. Sibby looked up and her gaze locked with Ella’s.

  Then her eyes filled with fear.

  Ella shifted her weight against the hard stone wall and tried not to move Lee too much. Her back ached, and her arm grew heavy from hours of holding the baby up. The small room smelled damp and something like ash, and Ella shivered against the cold.

  Sibby groaned on the other side of the cell. “You needs to go home.”

  “I can’t, and you know it,” she bit back, no longer concerned with making her tone more civil. The woman could use a bit of grace, especially since she had lost someone dear to her today, but Ella just couldn’t seem to muster the strength to offer it.

  The cold stone seeped through her petticoat and skirt, making her feel damp. “He will need to eat again soon.”

  Sibby sighed in the dark, the sound drifting on the dismal air and settling on Ella like an anchor. “I is sorry, Miss Ella. Ain’t never meant for you to end up with me in here.”

  Ella grunted. “And yet you wondered why I wanted that goat.”

  “Lot a good it did, seein’ as how he won’t drink none of that goat milk.”

  Ella turned her face against the stone wall. “Try to sleep, Sibby.”

  Silence crept over them, a shadow in its own right. Ella closed her eyes against the darkness, the inky canvas behind her eyes favorable to the thick black maw around her. She should try to take her own advice and get some rest, but it seemed impossible.

  A tear broke from the confines of her lids and slid down her cheek.

  Westley, how I wish you were here with me so that I might not feel so alone.

  Ella choked back a sob. This day had brought her to the end of her frayed nerves and then demanded more. She had been questioned relentlessly, her home raided and searched, the people of the settlement rounded up like cattle, Nat killed, and Sibby imprisoned. Now she was forced to seek rest in a makeshift jail cell because they would not release Sibby, and Ella could not return home without her.

  Ella sniffled in the dark, something blacker than the night settling on her heart. Too much. It had all been too much.

  I need you….

  She breathed in and out slowly until she finally began to drift into a shallow sleep. Then the darkness shifted and began to peel away. The air around her sweetened and suddenly colors burst to life around her. She’d come back! Ella clutched the fabric of her radiant white gown and ran through the field of vibrant grass toward the majestic tree at the center of the field.

  It was a great distance, but when she arrived, she was no less winded than when she began. Ella circled the tree, searching. She lifted her hand against the nearly blinding light and surveyed the field around her, but she remained alone.

  “Where are you?”

  The wind shifted, lifting her hair and teasing it, but no reply answered her call. Ella sat and leaned against the tree, bowing her head. “Even when I cannot see you, or when I cannot feel you, I know that you are always with me, because you promised you would never leave me.”

  “And I never have.”

  Ella’s eyes flew open and she turned to look at him, her beautiful Savior dressed in light. Peace washed over her, and sh
e smiled. “There you are.”

  “Do you love me, Ella?”

  The question surprised her. “You know I do.” She leaned her head against his shoulder, grateful for the comfort he brought.

  He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Tell me what troubles you.”

  Tears welled in her eyes and she tried to blink them away. “You already know.”

  He stroked her hair. “Of course I do. But it is good for you to tell me anyway.”

  “I…I love him.” She meant to say that she was tired, or that she worried about Lee or the people who had been taken. She meant to say that she feared for Sibby and the others and that she wanted Westley to be safe. Instead, the words she didn’t want to say were the first from her mouth.

  “And you believe he doesn’t feel for you what you do for him.”

  Ella nodded and drew her knees up against her.

  “You want from him what he cannot give.”

  Ella sniffled and clutched the fabric at her chest. Of course that was true. Westley could not love her. She was too far beneath him. Not pretty enough or refined enough for him truly to love her. Want her, maybe, but nothing more.

  “That is not what I said. You are letting the shadows make you forget again.”

  Ella wiped her eyes and looked at him. “Forget?”

  “Who are you?”

  She let her fingers uncurl. She was not worthless. No matter what she was in the eyes of anyone else, even the man she loved, in His eyes, she was priceless. She was beautiful, special, and deeply loved. She straightened and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Help me to remember. I forget it easily.”

  “You will have to depend on me daily. I know that is hard for you, because you think strength is in independence. But my strength is perfected in your weakness. By depending on me, you have strength that far exceeds what you have on your own.”

  Ella leaned back against him, a small laugh bubbling from her chest. “I’ll need you to help me with that, too.”

  He squeezed her hand. “You want Westley to fill all of the empty places inside of you. You want him to provide for your needs, be attentive to your every mood, and to understand you to your very core, anticipating your every hurt and desire.”

  Ella opened her mouth to refute the claim as ridiculous, but realized that it was true. “But….” she chewed her lip. “Is that not what love is?”

  “I am love.”

  Ella frowned. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “You want for him to give you the things that only I can. Remember he is only human, as you are. He has weaknesses and flaws, just as you do. You seek to put him in a place that he doesn’t belong. I alone can completely fill those needs for you. It is my will that man and woman should become one while on earth, but that relationship is never meant to replace the one you first have with me.”

  Ella turned her face into him and sobbed. “I’m sorry. It’s just so hard when he is the one I can see and touch every day.”

  “Love me first, Ella.”

  She clung to him. “I’m sorry.”

  He stroked her hair. “I love you, and I am with you always.”

  “Help me to love you first, and from that love have the ability to love others as you love me.”

  He put his fingers under her chin and lifted her face, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “What will you do if he never loves you?”

  “I will hurt,” she whispered, “but I will love you, and you will be enough.”

  He kissed her forehead and drew her close. “Love me first, and never forget that my love is perfect. It casts out all fear.”

  Ella snuggled closer, drifting into a peaceful slumber that allowed her soul to find rest. How long she stayed there with him, she did not know.

  She awoke with a start when Lee cried. Her eyes flew open, met with the dismal jail cell once again. Murky gray light crept over the darkness, giving her just enough illumination to see that Sibby rose from her place on the other side of the room and moved to take Lee.

  Without a word, Ella handed him over and stretched her arms over her head and then arched her back. Her muscles protested every move. How many more nights would she be able to sleep this way?

  Lord, I really could use some help with this.

  She stepped over to the bars, grasping the cold metal in her hands. “Where do you suppose they are keeping the others?”

  Sibby grunted. “How would I be knowin’ that? You think they gonna tell me?”

  Ella drew breath through her nose and let it out of her mouth. Patience. A harsh word would only stir up anger. “I think this used to be a vault of some kind for the bank.”

  Sibby didn’t respond.

  Ella turned and tried to study her in the dark. “Is it true?”

  “How you think I know that? I ain’t never been in no bank.”

  “That’s not what I meant, Sibby. You know what I’m talking about.”

  “What?”

  Ella unwound the tension in her jaw and tried to keep her voice even. “Is what he said about the smuggling true?”

  It was quiet so long that Ella didn’t think Sibby was going to answer. A noise came from the other side of the door just outside a small vestibule beyond the bars. Ella frowned and turned her ear toward it.

  “Miss Ella, you is just not goin’ to understand—”

  “Shhh!” Ella waved her hand behind her.

  “Now look here, you is the one that done asked—”

  “Hush, Sibby! I hear something.”

  Sibby quieted and Ella pushed her face against the bars, straining her ears. A man’s voice came from somewhere beyond the heavy oak door that separated the vault area from the rest of the bank.

  “What is it?”

  “Shhh,” Ella hissed. “I can’t hear when you keep talking.”

  Sibby huffed, but didn’t say another word. The sounds on the other side of the door grew louder. It sounded like men arguing. Then something hit up against the door. Ella jumped and stepped away from the bars, her hand flying to her heart.

  The door swung open, banging against the stone wall and flooding the room with light. Ella blinked as two forms plunged through the doorway and fell to the floor. They rolled, fists swinging. Ella squinted, but could not make out the identity of either man as they tangled together. One of them landed a punch to the other’s face. He roared with pain. Then he snatched the one who had punched him to his feet. That man, the larger of the two, swung a fist that landed squarely in the other man’s gut. The fellow doubled over as the breath went out of him.

  “Enough!” the larger man bellowed, grabbing his opponent by the shoulder and putting him against the wall. “Now where is my wife?”

  Westley! She pushed up against the bars and thrust her arm through. “Westley!”

  He dropped the other man to the floor and spun around. “Ella!” In two strides he reached her, grabbing her hand and squeezing her fingers. “Are you well?” His gaze roamed over her tear-streaked face, disheveled hair, and dirty dress. His voice deepened and barely controlled rage boiled behind his eyes. “What have they done to you?”

  Her heart fluttered at the desperation with which this warrior had come for her. She stared at him, unable to get her foggy mind to garner a response.

  “Ella,” his voice softened. “How long have they kept you prisoner?”

  “She ain’t no prisoner,” Sibby said with a grunt.

  Westley stepped closer. “Then explain to me why she is in a cell.”

  Sibby sighed. “Here, Miss Ella. He done eatin’.”

  Ella bent and took Lee from Sibby, turning away as the woman fastened her blouse and came to her feet. Ella wrapped Lee tightly in his blanket and came back to the bars. She looked down at the man who groaned on the floor.

  “He lets me out whenever I need it,” Ella said, gesturing to the man who must be the soldier they had left on guard.

  As her eyes adjusted to the light, Ella could make out Westley’s face a
s he scowled. “I need you to make more sense, Ella.”

  “They arrested me,” Sibby answered, coming to stand by the bars. “They done locked me in here. She in here ’cause of the baby.”

  Understanding lit in his eyes and he turned back to the man on the floor. “The key, sir. You could have simply told me she was here under her own volition.”

  The man rolled over and stood, clutching his side. “You will be court marshaled for this.”

  Westley barked a humorless laugh. “They can add it to the desertion charges.”

  Ella pressed her lips together. Westley had deserted?

  The keys rattled and the door swung open on rusty hinges. Westley stepped inside and pulled her to him, and her knees quivered.

  He pressed his lips against the top of her head. “I’m here, my love. I have you.”

  Love? Did he apply such a word to her? She nuzzled her face into his jacket, letting the warmth of him push some of the chill away. He held her for a moment, then gently eased her back.

  “We need to go now. Colonel Larson and I have much to discuss.”

  “Indeed, we do,” a voice said from the doorway. “I must say, Major, I am quite surprised to see you here, considering you are supposed to be in Kansas.”

  Westley grabbed Ella’s hand and tugged her behind him. “Did you really think I wouldn’t come after I received your telegram?”

  “Sargent,” Larson barked. “You are dismissed.”

  A bit of shuffling feet, and the other man stumbled from the room. Ella frowned and tried to look around Westley’s back, but he held her firmly behind him.

  “That was merely a friendly courtesy,” the colonel continued. “A telegram I sent that had nothing to do with military business, I might add. I did not expect you to defect.”

  “I will always come for my wife.”

  Ella warmed, and despite the situation, smiled down at Lee’s sweet little face. Westley tugged on her arm, leading her past the sputtering lieutenant colonel.

  “Where do you think you are going?”

  “She is not under arrest. Therefore, I am taking her home.”